


A Fight Between Men

by heyguysitsmerob



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Mixed POV, Not Heavy on Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 09:38:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7430617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyguysitsmerob/pseuds/heyguysitsmerob
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The conflict between Souda and Tanaka over Sonia's affection finally boils over one day at lunch. When it's decided that their rivalry will be decided with a fistfight when the sun sets that evening, neither Ultimate has room to back down. Will the winner be the feeble-hearted mechanic, or the delusional breeder? One thing is certain: no one will make it out with their pride intact.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fight Between Men

Souda could feel the bags under his eyes deepening by the second. He was slumped backwards in his chair, perfectly content watching the blades of the wooden fan above the hotel restaurant spin endlessly. He didn’t have a single thought to spare on the lunch sitting uneaten in front of him. Memories from the class trial the previous night where Pekoyama had been executed buzzed through his head incessantly, having made sleep impossible the previous night. 

In his third hour of sleeplessness he had started to get creative with methods of lulling himself into relaxation. He had slept on his soft, rectangular bed upside down, sideways, with limbs hanging off the side, with pillows stuffed everywhere, but to no avail. Instead of counting sheep jumping over a fence, Souda had attempted to count stunt cars jumping ravines. While initially the thoughts of engines were comforting, he had begun to wonder what it would be like to actually drive those cars, and his familiar carsickness returned. After he had returned from prostrating himself in front of the toilet for half an hour, he had attempted to occupy his mind by writing heartfelt poetry to Miss Sonia.

_ Ferraris are red _

_ Your skirt is blue _

_ Do you have a twelve cylinder engine? _

_ ‘Cuz I’d love to drive you _

That experiment currently rested with a picture of Sonia in a swimsuit that Koizumi had taken on the first day and a box of tissues underneath his bed. 

Thoughts of that photograph lead him to thinking more about Koizumi. Curiosity had driven him to check out the scene of the crime one last time that day, and as he suspected the body had been removed. What Monokuma had not bothered to remove, however, were the bloodstains smeared across the floor of the beach house. Once again he pictured Pekoyama pummeling Koizumi’s head with the baseball bat, while the rat bastard Kuzuryuu sat and watched. Souda hadn’t fully understood all of the talk about Twilight Syndrome Murder Case and Kuzuryuu’s sister from the previous night, but he doubted that his position on the matter would have changed even if he had. What the Kuzuryuu jerk commanded Pekoyama to do was unforgivable!

“Souda? Are you okay?” Hinata’s voice brought him back to reality. While he was deep in his thoughts, tears had been welling in the corners of his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, leaning forward and wiping his eyes with his sleeve. “I was just thinking about Koizumi, that’s all.” He picked up his fork and stabbed at a couple of meatballs on the corner of his plate.

Souda’s doldrumic behavior did not go unnoticed. “If you aren’t careful, your food will get cold,” Hinata reminded him.

“Not like there aren’t ten more piping hot trays of Spaghetti Surprise ready to go at any time back there!” Souda snapped. “And the surprise is always meatballs!” He put his fork down and adjusted his beanie, doing his best to avoid Hinata’s typical probing gaze. But, as always, his friend was able to plow straight through any tension and strike right at the heart of the issue.

“Are you worried that you weren’t able to contribute enough last night? Is that it?” Hinata asked. Souda felt the blood rushing to his face.

“Jeez, man, I dunno! That honestly wasn’t on my mind at all!” he stammered in response. 

“He’s right, you know,” Owari said from across the table. She had mostly been silent, or as silent as one could be when shoving industrial quantities of food into their mouth. “You really didn’t say anything that useful.” Souda had his mouth open to respond when she began devouring what appeared to be an entire chicken on a platter before her. It was apparent that she had only spoken in between inhalations of food, and that she had no interest in an actual conversation.

“The pot calling the kettle black,” he muttered under his breath. “I’m gonna go get another couple pieces of garlic bread,” he said, getting up from the table.

“Ohh, grab me one!” Owari said from around the pound of meat that she had shoved into her mouth. A couple of globs of spit landed themselves on Hinata’s tie, which he dabbed at with his napkin as if they were acidic. With everything Souda knew about Owari’s eating habits, they might be. The last thing that he saw before rounding the bend to the kitchen was Hinata glaring daggers at Owari as she continued to eat with blissful, reckless abandon.

“Hey there, Souda!” He stopped dead in his tracks at the sound of a familiar voice as soon as he entered the kitchen. “How are you today?” He turned his head slowly, hoping that he had had some sort of auditory hallucination. Komaeda stood just inside the doorway, as if he had been waiting for someone to pop out and scare. But the boy himself didn’t scare Souda nearly as much as what was in his hand.

He flattened himself against the wall immediately, backpedaling away from Komaeda. “Why do you have a knife?” he asked, his voice coming out a whole lot smaller and weaker than he had intended. Komaeda took a look at the large butcher knife in his hand as if he were seeing it for the first time. “Look, I’m really sorry for tying you up the other day! It was all Nidai’s idea, honest!” he said, waving his hands in front of him defensively.

“Oh, that?” Komaeda asked, taking the knife and stabbing it into the countertop. It buried itself in the wood with a resounding thunk. “I don’t care about that.” Souda made the mistake of glancing at Komaeda’s eyes which were, of course, filled with a childish delight. “I wouldn’t have even minded if the two of you had slit my throat! You know, as long as you had talked it over with me first, of course,” he said. He described the hypothetical murder plot with apparent ease, as if he were telling Souda what to pick up at the grocery store.

“If you aren’t mad, then why do you have a knife?” Souda asked, indicating the weapon now protruding from the kitchen counter.

Komaeda grabbed it by the handle and wiggled it back and forth until he had it freed from the counter. “I just thought I’d borrow it,” he said, immediately making for the exit. “You never know when you’ll need a giant knife, nowadays.” He was gone before Souda could generate even a single thought on the matter.

Deciding that it was best to force all thoughts of that lunatic out of his mind, Souda attempted to forget everything that had transpired over the past twenty seconds. He loaded up a small plate with two fat slices of garlic bread from a giant dish, and hurriedly exited the kitchen before he encountered any more unsavory characters. As he was about to make a beeline back for his seat next to Hinata, he noticed Sonia and Tanaka ascending the stairs from the lobby. “Crap!” he said under his breath. He hadn’t thought at all about what he was going to say to Sonia when he saw her next. He decided not to appear too eager, and modified his original course so that he was now taking almost the longest possible route through the restaurant back to his seat. It was better for Sonia to notice him first. That way, when she greeted him, he could go sit next to her perfectly naturally. That was perfect!

Sonia and Tanaka sat down at a table that was directly next to the path that Souda was now taking to get back to his seat. How lucky could one guy be? Now it would be all but impossible for Sonia to not notice him as he passed, and it would just be downright rude not to say hello in a situation like that. Not even Saionji, the gallon devil in a half-pint container, would ignore someone so blatantly. He took a moment to figure out exactly what he would say when she greeted him, too. He figured that if he knew what he was going to say ahead of time there would be less chance of him accidentally sputtering out something embarrassing. Anticipation welled in his gut as he walked past the two of them. When neither of them said a word, all of the anticipation immediately consolidated into a brick of doubt, and plunged to the floor. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t let Tanaka have Sonia all to himself for the entire meal!

Hinata, who had been casually observing ever since Souda suddenly changed trajectory, eyed him with a mix of pity and humor. It seemed as though he was barely holding back a laugh. Souda could only begin to imagine the look that he must have had on his face throughout the whole ordeal.

Just when he was about to give up hope and return back to Hinata, a brown streak caught his eye. Almost faster than his eye could track, one of Tanaka’s hamsters alighted on his plate, took a large hamster-sized bite out of one of his pieces of cheese bread, and disappeared again. Partially due to the unexpected weight of the hamster and partially due to the surprise, the plate tumbled out of Souda’s grasp and shattered on the floor. “Oh, come on!” he said. Across the room, Hinata winced. Even Owari took a moment out of her meal to take a look at the situation.

Souda whirled around just in time to see the culprit hamster retreat back into the folds of Tanaka’s massive scarf. “Hey, are you gonna apologize?” he asked, advancing on the table they were sitting at. The shards of broken ceramic crunched under his thick work boots. While he was genuinely upset about this turn of events, a small part of him was thankful. Not only did he now have an excuse to be near Sonia, but he could show off how manly he was to boot.

Tanaka had clearly been aware of what his hamster had done, but waited for Souda to react before showing even the slightest hint of interest. Sonia, however, had been looking at him ever since he dropped the plate. Her gorgeous blue eyes, always glimmering brightly, regarded him just as coolly as they always did. They could be praising or scolding him, Souda had no preference. It was apparent that there were many thoughts lurking beneath the surface of those eyes, but as long as Souda got to see them, he couldn’t care less what those thoughts were. “Were you speaking to me?” Tanaka asked, not moving an inch. He seemed to be regarding Souda the same way that he would a rat. Actually, him being a breeder, he might regard the rat slightly better.

“Yeah I’m talking to you, Hamster Freak! It’s your rodent that just knocked my plate down!” Souda said, reaching the table and slamming his palm down on it. 

Sonia started. “Oh my!” she gasped. 

That’s right, Souda thought. He would show her just how cool he could be.

Tanaka rose to his feet in one fluid motion. His chair fell backwards onto the ground, and his scarf billowed around him in a perfect spiral. He pointed his right hand at Souda, an orange hamster perched precariously on top of it. His eyes, one of them bearing a red contact, didn’t even seem to see Souda. If he had to hazard a guess, Souda would say that Tanaka saw some kind of poor, peasant child that had just kicked some dirt on his shoes. He was exactly like one of the egocentric villains from the comic books Souda would read as a child. He allowed  a moment for his dramatic rise to be noted, and then responded to Souda’s challenge. “Think twice before addressing Tanaka the Forbidden One, mortal!”

\--

Gundam Tanaka, like many others, had quickly grown tired of exploring the new island. Finding nothing that would immediately aid their escape from the island, and finding no magic relics that he could use to enhance his power level, he had retired back to his room at the hotel rather quickly. The time was around 2pm when he heard a knock at his door.

He had been in the middle of practicing drawing ancient runes on pieces of paper, and botched attempts lay all around his room. Some of the ink that he had been using had gotten on his hands, and even Maga-Z had a splotch of black behind his ears, one of them chipped. “You may enter!” he called from the floor, abandoning his brush in a cup.

The doorknob wiggled back and forth several times before a muffled response came through the door. “The door appears to be locked!” the person on the other side said. If Tanaka wasn’t mistaken, that was the voice of the Dark Queen herself! What good fortune, to be blessed with her presence completely by surprise. 

He jumped quickly to his feet, startling Cham-P, the chubby hamster who had previously been resting on his shoulder. He spoke as he walked across the room to unlock the door. “Ah, how foolish of me!” he said. “It is laughable that I completely forgot to disable the protection spell that I had cast on my room. Please forgive me, Dark Queen.” He opened the door to reveal Sonia standing patiently on the other side, her hands clasped in front of her.

“All is forgiven!” she said in her usual cheerful manner. “How are you?” she asked.

“I am well!” Tanaka declared, sticking his chest out. His billowing clothes made it appear as if he had significantly more muscle mass than he did. “It will take more than a few hours of meaningless wandering around a deserted island to break my unrelenting spirit,” he said. Cham-P squeaked from his shoulder, agreeing with him. “More importantly, what is the nature of your visit?” he asked. While he was certainly pleased that Sonia had appeared, it was the first time that he could remember that a female had arrived at his dwelling of her own volition. Tanaka was unsure of how to proceed.

“Well,” Sonia said, unclasping her hands to reveal a small bag that she was holding. “I got these sunflower seeds from the Monomono Machine, and I thought that your ham…” Sonia seemed to catch herself just in time. “I thought that the Four Dark Devas of Destruction might enjoy feasting on them.” No sooner had she extended her hand with the bag in it than a hamster landed on it, removing a sunflower seed and shoving it into its mouth.

“San-D!” Tanaka snapped at the orange and white hamster. “Show some restraint!” he said, extending his hand as if the hamster was supposed to return to him. It looked at its master as if it were asking if it really had to.

Sonia started stroking San-D’s head with two fingers. “It is quite alright,” she assured him. “I am happy that he likes it!” She smiled warmly at Tanaka, and a strange feeling budded in his chest. Had she cast some kind of curse on him? He was at that moment convinced that he needed to expel her from his home immediately. However, it appeared that he could not find the words to do so.

“Yes, I believe that your offering will sufficiently appease the Four Dark Devas for now,” he said, taking a sunflower and feeding it to Cham-P on his shoulder. The feeling in his chest did not relent, and he struggled desperately to think of something to say to the beautiful girl. Should he offer to show her all of the runes that he had been working on? Should he get the Four Dark Devas to do the dance that he had choreographed the previous week? A thousand possible activities buzzed through his head, but none of them seemed fit to entertain the Dark Queen.

She cleared her throat, breaking Tanaka from his stupor. “If it is alright, would you like to accompany me to lunch?” she asked. A meal! Of course! The fact that humans required sustenance every several hours had completely eluded the demigod’s mind. He could share a meal with the Dark Queen under the rouse of needing to refuel his flesh prison, and spend the whole time thinking of what he would do to entertain her afterwards. She need never know that Tanaka only required food under new moons, when his power was weakest. 

He nodded. “Your offer is most agreeable,” he said. “It appears that the will of causality entwines our destinies on this day.” He beckoned to Jump-P and Maga-Z, who were laying on top of each other on one of the runes Tanaka had transcribed earlier. He was too pleased at the recent turn of events to be upset at them. The two deities shot across the room and crawled up his pant leg. After a moment he felt them take their usual places in his scarf, and he declared that he was ready leave.

The door swung shut and locked itself behind the two of them as they walked away from the room. Tanaka allowed Sonia to continue holding San-D as the Supernova Silver Fox munched away on sunflower seeds, but it made him nervous. The only other person he had ever allowed to hold one of the Four Dark Devas combusted after a mere minute trying to endure their intense aura, after all. If anyone could handle it, though, it would be the Dark Queen. While Jump-P and Maga-Z rested in his scarf, Cham-P continued to ride on Tanaka’s shoulder.

“You must do something to reciprocate the Dark Queen’s offering,” the Invading Black Dragon told him telepathically. “It would be ill-advised to behave rudely to a being of such immense power.” While of course Cham-P was right, Tanaka was at a loss for what he could provide to Sonia. His thoughts were cut short by an intense rumbling sound from his stomach. He had skipped breakfast that morning to go explore the third island.

“You must be hungry!” Sonia said, giggling slightly.

Tanaka gave a short, hearty chuckle. “What a mortal may confuse for the sound of bubbling stomach acid was in actuality the sound of the ever-present rolling thunder within my heart,” he explained, color rising to his cheeks. “Being half-demon, I need only intake food during a new moo—…”

Sonia interrupted him. “I was wondering if you could share with me some of the secrets of your magic over lunch?” she asked.

“The secrets...of my magic?” he asked, surprised. He regained his composure after a beat. “For what purpose do you intend to venture into the world of dark magics?” he asked.

“There’s a boy who’s been following me around ever since we got here, with bright pink hair and peculiar, shark-like teeth,” she said. Tanaka had noticed the boy in question, but had paid the piece of vermin no more than a passing thought. “I was thinking about cursing him!” Sonia said excitedly.

Tanaka gave a hearty laugh. “I can certainly aid you in that endeavor!” he said.

At this point they were passing through the lobby of the hotel. The only people around were Nanami and Mioda, sitting on opposite sides of one of the arcade machines in the center. “I can’t believe I lost again!” Mioda cried, pounding her fist on the surface of the console. Nanami had her head propped up on her left arm, while her right arm fiddled mindlessly with the controls. Drool hung out of the shorter girl’s mouth, implying that she had decimated Mioda while she was completely asleep. Though he had no interest in virtual entertainment, Tanaka hypothesized that he may be able to learn something about unconscious fighting styles by watching the girl. He had long been thinking about various methods with which to defend his mortal body while he slumbered.

“What manner of meal do you postulate that the iniquitous bear has prepared for us this afternoon?” Tanaka asked.

Sonia stopped in her tracks as they reached the top of the stairs. “I just saw the boy that I was talking about go into the kitchen,” she said.

“Then we will wait for him to abscond before proceeding any further,” Tanaka suggested, leading the way to a table a fair ways away from the only other occupants of the restaurant, Hinata and Owari. He bore no ill will toward either of them; while Hinata possessed impressive mental acuity, his strength in the physical disciplines was severely lacking. His current compatriot was in the exact opposite situation: while Owari could likely lift a house, she would be stumped by attempting to fit a square peg into a corresponding hole. Tanaka’s initial assessment that neither were anywhere near his caliber of skill was spot on.

As the two were sitting down, the boy emerged from the kitchen again holding a small plate. Tanaka got plenty of time to look him up and down as he completed a somewhat strange lap around the entire restaurant. His most defining feature was his bright pink hair, with his sharp teeth that Sonia had mentioned coming in as a close second. It was these two features that brought Tanaka to a startling conclusion. What were the odds that here, on this island hundreds of miles from any other civilization, that he would run into the Ultra Malevolent Space Neon Laser  Shark? He was now certain that the one who claimed to be Kazuichi Souda was in fact a reincarnation of the beast that had plagued the Tanaka bloodline for centuries. Many fishermen had lost their lives to the Ultra Malevolent Space Neon Laser  Shark, a bright pink, massive shark that plagued the shallows of fishing villages. Every time it appeared a Tanaka warrior would rise to defeat it, but in doing so were doomed to sacrifice themselves in the process. Was this also the will of causality? To die defending the Dark Queen from this vile beast in human form?

The sound of a shattering plate brought Tanaka back to the present. Souda whirled around to face him as Jump-P retreated back into his scarf. He had been so deep in thought that he hadn’t even noticed him leave. “Hey, are you gonna apologize?” he asked, walking towards the table. Tanaka had to act fast in order to protect the Dark Queen from the wrath of the Ultra Malevolent Space Neon Laser  Shark, but could not show any weakness in case the beast attempted to capitalize. 

“Were you speaking to me?” he asked, raising his eyes to meet Souda’s. As he thought, he saw nothing but bloodlust within them. It took all of the self-control that he had spent years of training to achieve to suppress his own bloodlust toward the hideous creature in front of him.

“Yeah I’m talking to you, Hamster Freak! It’s your rodent that just knocked my plate down!” Souda said as he reached the table. He slammed his palm down on the table for emphasis, startling Sonia.

“Oh my!” she gasped.

It was clear that the Dark Queen felt threatened by the monster’s presence. On top of that, he dared to refer to one of the Four Dark Devas of Destruction by the name of its material form, “hamster”. Tanaka could wait to take action no longer! He rose to his, being sure to make the display as impressive as possible. He knocked his chair backwards, and made sure that his scarf billowed around him at its maximum capacity for coolness. “Think twice before addressing Tanaka the Forbidden One, mortal!” he shouted in his most intimidating voice. Sonia beamed happily in her seat as she watched Tanaka rise to her defense. There was no way he could back down now!

“Oh yeah?” Souda responded, balling his fists. “What are you gonna do? Sick your hamsters on me?” he asked.

“I’ll have you know that each one of these so-called “hamsters” holds the power of ten of you puny humans’ nuclear reactors in a single paw!” Tanaka snarled.

“If you think that your shitty make-believe is enough to get me to back down then...you’re wrong!” Souda said after clearly taking a moment to decide whether or not Tanaka’s make-believe was enough to get him to back down.

Tanaka met Souda’s pink, hate-filled eyes with his own. He hoped that his bichromatic orbs, one steely grey and the other passionate red, maintained their usual composure in the face of adversity. Somewhere, deep inside his blackened heart, a drop of fear had entered his bloodstream. In front of him stood the most recent incarnation of the Ultra Malevolent Space Neon Laser Shark, a beast whose death toll over the millennia must have numbered in the thousands. True, it was nothing compared to the countless deities and hellish fiends that Tanaka had felled in the past, but the stakes weren’t as high then. When he was fighting simply for his own life, he was at peace. But behind him sat the Dark Queen; a being of pure, rich darkness bred from the silkiest cloth of the Netherworld. The fact that causality had entrusted her into his protection spoke levels about his current standing with the Fates. He could not let them down. If he did, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.

A harsh ringing sound reverberated around the restaurant. Everyone’s hands flew to their ears as they looked around for the source, save for Owari who continued eating as if nothing had happened. “Everyone quiet down!” a booming voice called out. Nidai had ascended the stairs from the outside of the hotel, and was now standing prominently in the center of the floor, his hands on his hips. 

“Finally, Nidai!” Hinata called from across the room, having risen to his feet at some point. “You’ve gotta stop them before they hurt each other!” he said.

“That whistle you’ve got is seriously too loud!” Souda said, taking his hands away from his ears.

“I haven’t heard a sound that dreadful since I stabbed a blade through the heart of one of the furies!” Tanaka said.

Nidai walked calmly over to the table so that he was standing directly behind Sonia, who was still sitting down. “It’s normal for there to be infighting among any team!” he assured everyone, his voice bellowing around and out of the restaurant. “And there’s only one solution,” he said.

“To talk it through!” Hajme said.

“To beat the living shit out of each other until they bleed half to death!” Nidai said.

Souda’s eyes went wide. “Bleed?” he practically screamed. His voice was surprisingly shrill for a boy almost all of the way through puberty.

“Why only half to death?” Sonia asked, looking up at the human building standing behind her.

“Men form their bonds through hardship alone! If two men lay into each other with everything they’ve got, they’ll understand each other far better than before!” Nidai said, kneading his fingers together to represent Souda and Tanaka understanding each other. 

Sonia clapped her hands together. “That sounds most excellent!” she said, looking back and forth between the two boys in front of her. 

Souda bit his lip, looking back and forth between Tanaka, Sonia, and Nidai. It was a wonder that it didn’t start bleeding. He began speaking slowly. “I don’t really get it, but…”

“If it means that you’ll leave her highness Sonia Nevermind alone, then I will gladly banish you to the fieriest pits of hell!” Tanaka finished.

“Then it’s settled!” Nidai shouted, his voice doing nearly as much damage to everyone’s eardrums as his whistle. “Gundam Tanaka versus Kazuichi Souda, tonight at sunset!” he declared.

Tanaka pointed his finger in Souda’s face one last time. “Make peace with your gods, beast,” he said. “You will be meeting them soon.”

\--

Souda had wasted no time familiarizing himself with the run-down shops of Electric Avenue. Earlier that morning he had thoroughly explored all of the straightforwardly-named shops: Cellphone Corner, Parts Corner, Laptop Corner, Television Corner, and Voyeur Corner. He thought to himself that the shopping center would have been more aptly named Electric Pentagon, judging by its number of corners.

“That would be silly,” Nanami said.

“Did I say that out loud?” Souda asked, a hand flying to his mouth. 

“Yup,” Nanami said. She hadn’t looked up from her handheld console once.

The two of them were both sitting on overturned crates that had previously housed a menagerie of nuts and bolts, each fiddling with their own contraptions. Nanami had immersed herself in trying to defeat Gorgok the Dreadnaught in Blade of Honor 7.5 Remastered Edition, now with more honor, while Souda assembled the weapon with which he intended to defeat Tanaka in single combat.

While the prospect of punching Tanaka’s face in had occurred to Souda on multiple occasions, he didn’t view himself as a particularly violent person. Even when people seeking to assert their dominance within his clique of punks had appeared, Souda’s looks usually did the trick to get them to back down. Never before had he encountered someone sporting an even more ridiculous getup than him. Regardless, the situation was different this time. He had no choice but to go hand-to-hand with Tanaka if he wanted to win Sonia’s freedom from that lunatic.

As such, he was in the process of constructing the perfect weapon with which to do so. Nanami had generously provided him with what she called the Power Gauntlet, a massive green glove with numerous controls directly above the back of the wearer’s hand, presumably to regulate its power output. Souda wasn’t sure how Monokuma had allowed such a dangerous item to come into the student's possession, but he was grateful for it. However, the gauntlet seemed to be lacking a proper power source. Being the Ultimate Mechanic, Souda had immediately set to work rigging up a device that would give the already assumedly devastating weapon some more kick. 

It was as he was putting the finishing touches on it that Mioda strolled up, interrupting his deep thought with her usual variety of obnoxious humming. “Whatcha got there?” she asked, leaning down to eye the device in his hands up close.

“Well...” Souda said, hoisting the gauntlet up out of his lap so that she could get a look at all sides of it. “It’s a gauntlet that greatly increases the strength of the wearer! Judging by the size and weight of it, I would guess that with this I could probably punch through a wall or two, easy!” he said.

“Wow, that’s suuuuuuuper awesome!” Mioda said. “And what’s that?” she asked, pointing to an apple-sized pink machine that Souda had wired into it around where the wearer’s wrist would be. A small whirring sound, like a miniature dishwasher, could be heard from within.

Souda jutted his chin out. “That’s my own personal, Souda-touch!” he said. “The other day Hinata gave me this small degenerated nuclear reactor as a present, and I had no clue what to do with it until I found this baby.” He patted the glove. “By getting it up and running again and wiring it into the glove, I figure that it ought to triple, no, quadruple its power!”

Mioda’s eyes went wide. “And you’re gonna use this to fight Tanaka?” she asked. “Aren’t you worried that it could, I dunno, like, kill him?” She pumped her fist in the air. “That’s super fucking metal!”

“Nope,” Nanami said.

“What do you mean mean ‘nope’?” Souda asked, turning his head to look at the girl who still hadn’t stopped playing her game.

“It’s a video game controller,” she said. When neither Souda nor Mioda said anything, she paused her game to look up at the two of them. They were both eyeing her expectantly; Mioda with a sort of detached curiosity, and Souda with what Nanami was unable to discern between anger and desperation. “You can’t use it to hit anybody,” she elaborated. 

Souda leapt to his feet, dropping the gauntlet as his hands flew to his forehead. Mioda just barely caught the machine before it hit the ground. “Whaaaaaat?” he cried. “Then why did you give it to me?” he asked.

Nanami took the gauntlet from Mioda and nodded as a form of thanks. “I wanted you to fix it,” she said. When all Souda did was look at her slack-jawed, she turned to Mioda and said, “They say it’s the best way to play Super Fist Fighters Ultra Turbo Championship Edition.” 

“Do you wanna play it?” Mioda asked.

Nanami immediately grabbed Mioda by the wrist and began dragging her away, back toward the bridge to the main island. Only small pieces of her explanation were audible between bouts of excessively heavy breathing. “They say it revolutionized the Fist Fighters franchise...some schools of thought believe it to be the best of the Championship editions...never before seen characters…” Souda stood in shock as he watched Nanami make startlingly fast progress away from the shops, rock star in one hand, portable gaming console in the other. Even Mioda seemed at a loss for input.

“Damn it, wait!” he called out, running a few paces in their direction. Nanami stopped in place, turning around with her chest still rising and falling from the heavy breathing. She did not relinquish her grasp on Mioda’s wrist. “If I don’t have some kind of devastating weapon, how am I supposed to beat that guy?” he asked.

Nanami looked to be deep in thought for all of half a second, fooling Souda into believing that she was about to provide valuable insight. “Try...power-ups?” she suggested.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he all but screamed. “Tanaka’s got, what? He’s got hamsters, a cool scarf, a cool red eye-looking thing, magic? And what have I got?” 

“Pointy teeth,” Nanami said.

Souda was about ready to drop to his knees and cry when Mioda jumped in. “Maybe if you wanna beat Tanaka, you have to think like Tanaka!” she said. He saw a light at the end of the tunnel.

“Think like him?”

“So if he says he’s got a whole bunch of shooty magic and stuff like that, then maybe you should get some shooty magic of your own!” Mioda said.

“Power-ups,” Nanami added.

“Ah, forget you guys!” Souda turned around to walk back toward the shops. The two girls looked at each other, shrugged, and started walking back toward the bridge.

Souda kicked over the crate that he had been sitting on. “God damn it!” he said. He stuck his hands in his pockets and was about ready to go take a nap in his cottage and hope for the best when he remembered something that he had seen inside of Cellphone Corner. Struck by inspiration, he ran inside to confirm it. As he laid eyes upon his new secret weapon, hope sprung up in his heart. He had begun to visualize his exact plan..

“Power-ups, huh?”

\--

Nidai had decreed that neither combatant was to see Sonia until the battle, meaning that for the extent of Tanaka’s preparation he would be by himself. After an appropriate amount of thought on the matter, he had decided that he and the Four Dark Devas of Destruction would undergo their normal pre-battle training regimen: one thousand push-ups, sit-ups, and squats, followed by a six mile run, and then a six mile run underwater. While of course the Four Dark Devas held immeasurable magic power, it was Tanaka’s duty as their vassal to ensure that their physical hosts remained in tip-top shape. In preparation for their run underneath the sea, he had already donned his swimming suit. A thorough check beforehand had ensured that they were in absolute solitude on the second island’s private beach.

The four of them were assembled in front of him, milling around absentmindedly in the sand. “Alright, listen up my frien—!”

“What the fuck are you doing?” Tanaka whirled around to find Saionji standing behind him. She was fanning herself with one of the ornate fans that she used for her dancing. “It looks like you’re talking to your hamsters?” she asked.

The Four Dark Devas of Destruction all cowered behind Tanaka’s right leg. “I was simply—.”

“Simply what? Trying to talk to your hamsters? Is that because you have no friends? Are you some kind of idiot?” Saionji asked. It seemed as if she required no time at all to generate insults. They rolled off of her tongue one after the other like a machinegun specifically engineered to hurt Tanaka’s feelings.

“Do not allow her to disgrace you!” San-D urged him.

Tanaka gritted his teeth and balled up his fists, preparing to advance on Saionji. Though she had taken the form of a petite teenage girl, he could see her true demonic form! “Listen here, vile mistress—!”

“No, you listen.” Saionji said, walking right up to him. Their substantial difference in height didn’t seem to bother her at all. “I came here for a relaxing time at the beach, and your demon wannabe ass has to come in and ruin it all? What the fuck is that about? Did you look at yourself in the mirror this morning and think ‘I’m gonna be a giant dick today’? That’s assuming that you can even bring yourself to look in the mirror!” Saionji’s mouth worked a mile a minute, but if Tanaka wasn’t mistaken, he thought that he saw droplets of water forming in the corners of her eyes. The possibility crossed his mind that she had come here in order to mourn Koizumi in solitude, and that he had unintentionally interrupted.

The true question was, how had he not detected her presence earlier? Before he had come out onto the beachfront, he had done a thorough scan of the area with his mind’s eye. It should have detected any human souls within a mile’s radius, yet the search had come up empty. Tanaka realized his mistake too late. Since Saionji was merely a demon occupying a human’s body, she would not have appeared on the search. Regardless, it now fell to Tanaka to make matters right.

Saionji sniffled, presumably in an effort to hold back her tears, which gave Tanaka a chance to interject. He got down on one knee so that his eyes were just marginally beneath hers. “Would you allow me to speak with perfect candidacy?” he asked.

“What?” Saionji wiped her tears and snot away with the sleeve of her kimono.

Tanaka rephrased his question. “Would you let me be honest?” he asked.

Seeming to have regained most of her composure, she said, “Yeah, as long as you don’t say anything super weird.”

“I thank you,” he said, rising to his feet again. “As you may or may not know, me and the monster commonly known as Kazuichi Souda have been engaged to meet each other in combat at sunset this evening. And I have come to you, a being of higher purpose, for guidance.”

Saionji sat down in the sand to listen to him talk. The four hamsters had continued to stick together, keeping Tanaka between them and the girl. “A being of higher purpose?” she asked. That seemed to be the only thing that she heard of what he said.

Tanaka turned so that his back was to her and his scarf wafted gently in the breeze. It would have been imbecilic to remove his trademark clothing item simply because he was to be submerged underwater. Besides, it was dryer safe. “You may have the others fooled, but I see you for what you truly are,” he said.

“What I...truly am?”

Tanaka turned around quickly and sat down directly across from Saionji. “I know that you are much more than just a mere human. You are something truly extraordinary...like me,” he said.

Saionji’s face looked like he had just told her that he had a rotten fish shoved in his swim trunks. “I’m nothing like you!” she said.

He silenced her with a hand. “Regardless...I have come seeking your aid. Aid that only you are able to provide.” Maga-Z, the bravest of the hamsters with the chipped ear, came and rested his head on Saionji’s knee. Her eyes flicked between him and Tanaka, who was intensely staring at her. As she was apparently torn between an insult and another probing question, Tanaka continued. “As I understand it, your scathing remarks consistently have an impact on the being known as Kazuichi Souda’s psyche. My hope was that you would teach me how to leverage your skills in order to gain the upper hand on what I recognize to be the Ultra Malevolent Space Neon Laser Shark,” he said, never once pausing for breath. “It is an immortal monster of significant power.”

At some point, Maga-Z had found his way into Saionji’s lap. It was no wonder that Saionji appeared comforted by his presence; the Crimson Steel Elephant’s demonic aura would no doubt be soothing to one of its own. “I don’t really get all of the monster stuff, but...you’re saying that you want me to teach you how to make fun of Souda until he kills himself?” she asked.

Tanaka nodded. “It would be my honor to learn from you, Miss Thousand Tongue Serpent.”

“I can’t see this ending well,” Jump-P said.

“Are there any more of those sunflower seeds from earlier around?” Cham-P asked.

\--

The sun was just about to touch the ocean on the horizon when all of the Ultimate Students began to congregate on the beach. Owari had been swimming in the ocean when everyone else arrived, so she still had on her bathing suit and was standing up talking to Tsumiki and Komaeda. He had on his usual disgustingly soothing smile, and seeing as Owari was earnestly describing something to him, she apparently couldn’t see past it like everyone else could. Tsumiki looked uncomfortable, as always. Nanami and Mioda were sitting side by side on a picnic blanket, heads poised over a portable gaming console that Nanami was holding. Sonia and Saionji had pulled over beach chairs from somewhere else, and were casually chatting. Souda appeared to be doing some preparatory stretches while Tanaka meditated on the opposite side of the group.

Hinata walked onto the beach in a hurry, panting as though he had just completed a run around all of the islands. He looked bewildered, looking around at everyone who had gathered. “Why are you always the last one to get places?” Saionji asked him. Kuzuryuu was presumably still under the care of Monokuma, leaving Nidai as the only person whose absence was unaccounted for.

Tsumiki walked a fair distance away from everybody and turned around to face them, a piece of paper in her hands. “H-hello...ladies and gentlemen…” she said. Her initially loud voice caught everyone’s attention, and then became so soft that it was difficult to hear.

“Booo!” Saionji practically shrieked, her thumb pointed toward the ground.

As soon as Saionji called out, Tsumiki’s stuttering got much worse. “I-I-I ran into N-Nidai when...h-h-he was on the way...to the b-bathroom and he told me to read this if he didn’t c-c-come back,” She showed everyone the piece of paper that she was holding. “That was...t-two hours ago.” 

“You’re a fucking ass-faced pig and everyone hates you!” Saionji said.

Tsumiki’s eyes were quite clearly filling up with tears. “A-anyway… the t-terms of the fight are as follows…” she said, squinting at the paper. It was probably difficult to read with all of the water about to spill down her face.

“The loser can never talk to Sonia again, right?” Owari said, saving everyone from having to listen to Tsumiki explain it. She had her pinky finger buried in her ear the whole time that she was talking. “We’ve all heard it already!”

Komaeda, who was still standing right next to her, seemed positively ecstatic about the situation. “What better way to strengthen our hope than by having two people’s hopes go head to head?” he asked, looking around at the whole group. “I wonder whose hope will win? Souda’s hope that Sonia will ever acknowledge him, or—?”

“Hey, shut up!” Souda said. He hadn’t been standing with everyone else, but he certainly wasn’t out of earshot.

“Yeah, why’d ya have to go and make things weird?” Owari asked.

Hinata, apparently resigned to be a bystander in this event, sat down in the sand. “What do you think about all of this?” he asked Sonia.

She sat with one leg crossed over the other and her hands clasped together, forever being the symbol of royalty. “I wish to see Tanaka punch Souda until he can’t stand up!” she said.

“What?” 

Saionji bounced back and forth happily in her seat. “You and me both!” she said.

“It would be...hella tight!”

“The match begins when the sun touches the ocean!” Tsumiki said as fast as possible, practically running back to the rest of the group. It would only be a minute at most before the sun officially began to set, and the audience waited with baited breath as the combatants approached each other.

Souda very clearly had something about the size of a football tucked away inside of his jumpsuit jacket and was smirking from ear to ear, though that was nothing new. Concerns had been raised about whether or not weapons would be allowed in the fight, and it was decided that if Tanaka was allowed to use his hamsters, Souda could bring anything he wanted that wasn’t immediately lethal. Speculation about what could be in his jacket spread around the crowd.

“Hopefully it’s a box of tissues for when he loses!” Saionji said.

“You ready, Hamster Freak?” Souda asked.

Tanaka had put back on his usual ensemble of clothing, as he thought that he was more intimidating that way. Most people would be inclined to agree. The Four Dark Devas of Destruction were lined up across his shoulders as he stood with his arms crossed. “Your ten thousand year long reign of terror ends here, Ultra Malevolent Space Neon Laser Shark!” he said.

“What the hell is that?” Souda asked.

“It’s nothing…” Tanaka quickly cast a glance at Saionji, who nodded. “...you dick-faced pile of shit!” he said, his volume rising with each word. It was clear by the way his eyes were darting around that he was uncomfortable with what he said, but he was no stranger to faking bravado.

The crowd would have looked less surprised if Tanaka had sprouted wings and taken off into the sky. “Did I seriously just hear that?” Hinata asked.

Saionji clapped her hands together. “Go Tanaka!” she cheered.

“Yeah, punch his shark teeth in, Tanaka!” Owari said.

Seeing that there appeared to be more support for Tanaka than Souda, Mioda leapt to her feet. “Show ‘em what you’re made of, Kazu!” she said. 

“Make sure to have fun,” Nanami said.

“You’ll want to have the first aid kit on standby,” Komaeda told Tsumiki. When she asked if he thought that would be necessary, he let out his usual shrill and deranged laugh.

Sonia, one of the only people keeping an eye on the sun, was the first to see it hit the water. “Go!” she shouted.

Souda had been staring off into space and was caught off guard by the sudden start, giving Tanaka the chance he needed to mobilize his beasts. “Go, my Four Dark Devas of Destruction!” he said. The four of them shot off of his shoulders and ran straight toward Souda, kicking up jetstreams of sand as they moved almost impossibly fast. 

To his credit, Souda reacted quickly. He reached into his pocket and threw a maelstrom of sunflower seeds at the approaching hamsters. The seeds fell in a line in front of him, forcing the hamsters to pass through them to reach him. “As if the most powerful deities in all of the multiverse would be tempted by such—!” All four of the hamsters stopped in their tracks, consuming the snacks laid down in front of them with reckless abandon. “Cham-P, Maga-Z, Jump-P, San-D! Control yourselves!” Tanaka said.

“With your Four Dumb Ditzes of Dipshititude out of commision, it’s just you and me, Tanaka!” Souda said.

“It is of no consequence!” Tanaka dropped down into an offensive fighting stance. “I had hoped to give you a quick death at the hands of the Four Devas, but it appears that you wish to suffer at my own magic!”

It was then that Souda revealed what he had been hiding in his jacket with a flourish. The machine that he held in his hand appeared to be the charging station for an old home phone with several wires looped around it. “Is that...a phone?” someone asked. Souda pushed a button on the side of it, letting loose an ear-grating ringing noise.

“What is this odious racket?” Tanaka said above the sound.

Everyone in the audience was throwing a tantrum. “Turn that shit off before I smash it!” Owari shouted. The only one not pitching a fit was Nanami, who just put earbuds in her ears.

“I think that you already know what it is!” Souda said, holding the receiver out like some kind of bomb. Mercifully, the ringing subsided at that point.

Tanaka was suddenly struck by fear. As his mind appeared to be working a mile a minute, he said, “It couldn’t be—!”

“—a magic jammer!” Souda said.

Tsumiki looked back and forth between those around her and the device in Souda’s hand. “A m-m-m-magic ja—?”   


“What the fuck is that?” Owari asked. Komaeda laughed.

“At this point, I can’t tell whether or not Souda thinks Tanaka’s magic is actually real,” Hinata said, although no one appeared to be listening.

Mioda leaned over to Nanami. “It looks like he took our advice about the power-ups,” she whispered. 

Nanami took one earbud out while she continued to tap away on her game. “It’s really more of an item bonus,” she said.

Souda tossed the receiver into the sand a few paces away. “After you get hit by that wave, your powers are useless for another thirty minutes!” he said. “So now…” He took off his beanie and dropped it on the ground, letting his long pink hair flow free. “We can fight like men.” He raised his hands up, seemingly ready to make a run at Tanaka.

Having never seen Souda without his hat on, the group immediately noticed the poor layering that was happening on top of his head. In almost a perfect ring around his crown the hair was a much lighter shade of pink, and dead center his black hair was quite clearly growing out.

“You really have a problem with your roots, huh, Souda?” Mioda asked.

Souda put his hand over the top of his head. He thought that taking his hat off and letting his hair run free in the breeze would make him look cool, but it had had the exact opposite effect. “Shut up!” he said. Saionji steepled her fingers and puckered her lips as if there was something that she wanted to say.

“You are not usually one to keep quiet at a time like this,” Sonia said.

Saionji had her eyes trained on Tanaka. “Just wait for it,” she said.

Her meaningful gaze wasn’t lost on him. Clearing his throat, he called out to Souda, “Your hair looks like a dying octopus! Limp, bedraggled, and above all else, hideous!”

The insults only served to confuse their target. “What are you trying to do right now?” Souda asked. Saionji had her head in her hands.

One of the hamsters had taken a break from munching on the seeds that Souda provided, and had joined Tanaka. It looked up at him from the sand, and he looked at it. It appeared like words passed between them, though everyone had a silent understanding that Tanaka was simply perceiving his own thoughts as if they were spoken telepathically by his hamster. His attention snapped back to Souda. “You are an ugly, twisted, pathetic excuse for a human being! You always smell of motor oil and no one likes you!” he said.

“You’re gonna eat those words!” Souda said, finally charging across the sand toward his foe.

“Whoa, hold on, I take it ba—!” In the middle of his apology Tanaka was punched in the cheek by Souda. His knees gave out, but he stuck his right arm out at the last moment to break his fall. Not being unfamiliar with combat, he reflexively kicked one of his legs out to topple Souda as well. 

The battle between two men that had been built up so splendidly devolved into a schoolyard scuffle quickly. Souda threw a handful of sand into Tanaka’s eyes, who then responded by attempting to strangle him with his scarf. Elbows and knees flew left and right, and neither boy attempted to stand up for fear of being immediately knocked down again.

“This isn’t exactly what I was picturin’,” Owari said.

“Guys, Nanami is about to set the world record for Super Fist Fighters Ultra Turbo Championship Edition Arcade Mode!” Mioda said.

Hinata craned his neck over. “What’s a ‘turbo championship’?” he asked.

“Give up, foul beast!” Tanaka said, straddling Souda and clawing at his throat with his hands.

“Get the...fuck...off me!” Souda said, bucking Tanaka off. He jammed a boot into his ribs and rolled away. 

Tanaka grabbed a handful of his hair. “Not so fast!”

“Would you quit it? Agh!”

“You will bleed out of every orifice, fiend!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Tanaka held Souda fast in a choke hold. He sat behind Souda, with his neck in the crook of his elbow. “Y-you’re choking me!” Souda said.

“Return to the pit of hell that you originally swam out of, Ultra Malevolent Space Neon Laser Sha—agh!” Souda butted the back of his head into Tanaka’s nose, but he held fast. “It won’t be that easy to defeat me!” he said.

“Come...on…!” Souda’s face was turning shades of red that were alarmingly close to his hair. An idea occurred to him that utilized his natural advantages. Tanaka wailed in pain as Souda bit into his arm as hard as he could. 

He pushed Souda off of him. “How dare you bite me, fiend?” he cried, holding his arm in pain.

Souda rolled away and panted, trying to catch his breath. Tanaka gingerly touched his wound, testing it for signs of bleeding. After forgetting themselves for a moment, their eyes locked again. Never before had either of them felt such an intense loathing for another person. There was nothing that they wanted more than to surge forward at each other once more. They didn’t look away from each other for even a moment for fear of the other person taking advantage of it. 

“Do you concede?” Tanaka asked.

“Not even close,” Souda said between breaths.

They could have been looking at each other for a moment or an hour. As far as the two of them were concerned at the moment, the entire world was composed solely of the two of them, the two feet of sand between them, and the settling sun. The whole ocean and beach had been coated in a mellow orange light by this point. The setting was picturesque as the two men sat catching their breath. “Do you love the Dark Queen?” Tanaka asked.

Souda was too exhausted for his usual variety of overreaction. “I don’t know, man,” he said, breaking eye contact for the first time and looking up at the darkening sky. Out of respect, Tanaka refrained from using the opportunity to strangle him. Souda looked back to his adversary. “But I know I wanna find out.” One of the hamsters crawled up and rested on top of Souda’s shoe.

“San-D is sympathetic to your cause,” Tanaka said. Souda assumed that was the hamster that was on him. “Be thankful. Being in contact with the Supernova Silver Fox for even a moment is said to grant—”

“Are  _ you _ in love with Miss Sonia?” Souda said.

Tanaka buried the lower half of his face in his scarf and absentmindedly stroked the fattest of his hamsters as he spoke. “I believe that what I feel in my heart for the Dark Queen may be traditionally considered affection, yes. It would be the first time in over three centuries that I felt compassion for a human creature,” he said.

San-D had made its way to Souda’s lap and made very persistent squeaking sounds, demanding attention. Souda picked it up and started petting it as he let loose a gargantuan sigh. “It really wouldn’t be good for whoever lost if they didn’t get to see Miss Sonia anymore, would it?” he asked.

“On that we can agree,” Tanaka said. “But the audience demands resolution.” He gestured to the onlookers.

“I wouldn’t worry about that,” Souda said. 

Everyone that had been watching was now gathered around Nanami as she passionately jammed the buttons on her game, jerking the handheld machine back and forth. Shorter people had been muscled out of the immediate encircling and vied for space to look at the tiny screen. Saionji whined from the back as everyone else cheered Nanami on vigorously. “Only fifty-five thousand more points!” someone announced.

The only person who had still been watching the supposed brawl was Komaeda. “Three color contacts between the two of them, yet not a single drop of blood,” he said, getting up from his spot sitting in the sand. “Unbelievable.”

Both of their gazes fell on Sonia, who was positioned directly above Nanami’s head. She was laughing, alternating looking between the screen and all of the people squeezed in close to her. “We have games similar to this in the Novoselic Kingdown, except the people are real and the loser dies!” she said.

Souda fell backward onto the sand, letting San-D rest on his chest. The leg that Tanaka had kicked out from under him was beginning to hurt. Tanaka let his back hit the ground as well, with three times the amount of hamsters on his person. One of his hands rested on the ribs that Souda had kicked. “Do we just pretend that none of this transpired?” he asked.

“I don’t know about that,” Souda said. “I’m still gonna take every opportunity I can find to make you look bad in front of Miss Sonia.” Despite himself, he let a chuckle escape his lips.

It wasn’t often that the Forbidden One allowed himself to show any signs of amusement, but Tanaka found himself laughing as well, nonetheless. “And I the same,” he said.

“You know what the most fucked up part of this is?” Souda asked.

“What?”

“All of that bullshit Nidai was spouting earlier actually turned out to be true. Even though we didn’t beat each other half to death, at the very least I feel like I understand you better than I did this morning. I may not like you, but I get you, Tanaka.”

“Though I fear I will never be able to fully comprehend your wildly fluctuating emotions, I at least understand you as a being. I feel that I get you as well,” Tanaka paused. “Souda.”


End file.
